Don’t let small things build up
It’s tempting to ignore a messy kitchen or noise at 2am and hope it won’t happen again. But if it keeps happening, resentment can pile up just as fast as those dirty dishes. Bring things up early before they turn into bigger arguments.
Pick the right time and place
Before raising an issue, take a moment to think about how to present it. Your body language, choice of words, and tone all affect how your message will be received. Avoid confronting your housemate when you’re angry or in front of others. A calm chat over coffee or while making dinner is usually best. Saying something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed your chores haven’t been done lately – is everything okay? Do you want to switch things up or make it easier somehow?” is far more effective than snapping late at night.
Use “I” statements, not accusations
Instead of saying, “You never clean up!” try, “I feel stressed when the kitchen’s messy because I can’t cook.” This shifts the focus from blaming to explaining how it affects you, which makes people less defensive.
Avoid getting heated, making personal attacks, or digging up old issues. No matter how upset you feel, don’t resort to insults or try to claim the moral high ground – it won’t help you resolve things.
Listen as much as you talk
Sometimes what feels like laziness is actually just a misunderstanding. Maybe your housemate thought you were fine with the noise, or didn’t realise the milk was yours.
Listen carefully without interrupting and try to understand their point of view. Don’t dismiss their thoughts or ideas simply because you disagree. Even if you find their reasoning hard to accept, focus on resolving the issue rather than “winning” the argument.
Suggest solutions, not just problems
If chores are causing tension, suggest a rota. If noise is the issue, agree on “quiet hours.” Having a clear plan makes it easier for everyone to stick to what’s been agreed.
Know when to compromise
Not every disagreement needs a full debate. Often, it’s about finding middle ground – maybe they’ll keep the music down after 10 pm, and you’ll be more flexible on weekends.
Stay open to new ideas and feedback. Look for points of agreement and remember that not everyone thinks the way you do (no matter how reasonable your view feels). Try not to assume that a different perspective is a personal attack – it’s usually just that: a different perspective.
Get help if you need it
It’s completely normal to ask for support if a situation isn’t improving or is affecting your wellbeing.
Campus Security
Available 24/7 if you need to report an incident, ask for help managing a situation, or want someone to check in.
- Email: security@kent.ac.uk
- Call: Emergencies: 01227 823333 Non-Emergencies: 01227 823300
- Drop-in: Campus Security Office, Security and Transport Centre, University of Kent, Canterbury campus.
Student Support and Wellbeing
If you’re not comfortable speaking directly with housemates, or if problems are ongoing, the team can help facilitate conversations or provide support.
- Email: ssw@kent.ac.uk
- Call: 01227 764000
- Drop-in: Monday-Friday, 09:00-16:45, Eliot Extension, University of Kent, Canterbury campus.
Final thought
Living with housemates is a big part of the university experience – it can lead to lifelong friendships, and it also teaches patience, communication, and compromise. The key is to address problems politely and early, so they don’t snowball into unnecessary drama.